I meet this kid a couple of months ago. We were not really close friends are anything. But you could tell that he wanted to become best friends as well as tell me some more information I had no idea about. His story went something like this.
The point in my life that turned me into the person I am now happened when I was a sophomore in high school... When I was in high school I was the exact opposite of how I am in class. Very quiet and very shy... I didn’t make friends easily at all but I still had a lot of friends because people always seemed to talk to me. Anyways when I was a sophomore there was this one girl I REALLY REALLY liked. She was very quiet and shy, and it was homecoming night and I could tell she was a little interested in me but I had zero confidence in myself, especially with woman... So during homecoming I asked her to dance and I ASSSUME she said yes but she was also a quiet person too so I couldn’t understand what she said and I took her answer as a no. she then walked away where I stood alone and very depressed since I got shut down... so I started to walk away and to go sit down at my idiot self. Then for some reason I stop and look back to where I had asked her and she was standing there looking for me... (I later found out she walked away because she went to go take a picture)....
I made several attempts to talk to her again but it only made things worse. I was too afraid of being shot down that I let my shame engulf me. I told my friends because I didn’t know how to deal with this devastating heartbreak. They made it worse because they talked to her and they made fun of me and called me a pussy for not being able to say anything... this added to my shame and built up a wall of depression I only recently overcame.
but anyways to sum it up... I didn’t know it but I fell in love with that girl which is why it hurt me so badly... and I dwelled on this one instance for roughly 2 years before I could go one day without thinking about it. It is because of this one event that I am very loud, obnocsious, and outgoing. So I can prevent any sort of thing like that to happen to myself again. It is also because of this that I have slowly learned to tell people exactly what I am thinking or feeling and to not hold onto it or it will only burden me.
Life is not perfect! I know this very well, but DO NOT let your past consume you... it isn’t fun...and it definitely hurts. Seek out closure so you can move on with your life... It took my friend a rough 4 years to figure all this out, and it was one crappy ride....
Word of wisdom: be yourself.
3 Letters to Me
5 years ago